Jon E. Garrett
Writing the future of journalism one post at a time


July 30, 2012

Watermelon, chicken and the curious case of Chic-fil-A

I love chicken. Grilled, stuffed, sautéed, fricasseed and you better believe fried. You want to stereotype me for it? I don’t care. Give me a bucket of chicken and some watermelon on a summer night with a breeze and I’m a very happy man.

This is too fresh.

Gays? I’m not a cannibal but I would assume they’re not as tasty. They generally cost more to maintain and I’m not sure if there is a general consensus on watermelon in their community – but I like them well enough. Heck, I’m not afraid to say that there are a couple I love more than that blessed bird.

So you would think the last couple of weeks would have been tough on such a conscious-minded brother. If you’re a chicken eating lad or lass you know what I’m talking about. Chick-fil-A that bastion of buttery pollo biscuits and a fast food sandwich that many think is matchless – officially denounced gay marriage.

The ensuing firestorm has engulfed the nation, well the few that aren’t watching the Olympics, following the proceedings of the Dark Knight Killer or knocking back beer and brats like they’re in a contest on Coney Island.

My friends are all over the map on the issue. I’ve got gay friends that are boycotting, Christian friends holding support rallies and cheap, hungry bastards like me finding politics interjected into our degenerate fast food habit.

It’s enough to get a chicken lover down – but not this one.

Face it. In the end the free market will decide this one. If enough people like the reasonably priced, and eatable bird served up at Chick-fil-A and are willing to dine elsewhere after church on Sunday’s, the restaurant will survive. On the other hand if chicken fans follow Muppets’ example and cut ties with the chain over its company culture, it might not.

Businesses live or die every day based on their reputation, good works and bad. Corporations, like the people they are according to some politicians, thrive when those of a like mind, need or want give them enough money to do so. They fail when there is no support and or the worst thing of all happens – they put out a bad product or service.

I’m willing to let Chick-fil-A find its own fate. One guy already had a heart attack. As a black man with the amount of chicken I’ve consumed in my life the prognosis probably would not be good if I got my dander worked up about it.

So, what side does your friendly neighborhood columnist fall on? It’s a bold question, but one you shouldn’t be asking if you read the words that preceded this.

I’m on the side of the poultry farmer that raises his chicken free range, the mother (or father or other) that takes the time to make a homemade meal after a stressful day for their kids and or significant other despite the stress and weariness of a long workday instead of serving up fast food. I’m for beer and brats, the American flag, Rocky, Motown and apple pie – and I may never share a bed with another man but I will be darned if I won’t share a delicious chicken sandwich. I mean, maybe give him a piece or something.

I’m no homophobe, but I’m kind of a glutton.



About the Author

Jon E. Garrett



Real horror of Colorado massacre is knowledge it will happen again

I am a stone cold killer. Over the years I have burned schools full of children, crushed the life out of men with my bare hands while looking into their eyes and committed acts of genocide. I even killed my own father. Yet, I w...
by Jon E. Garrett



Be the first to comment!

Leave a Reply